Between Faith and Doubt

Solemnity of the Ascension of the Lord - Year A

We are a conflicted lot – we often vacillate between moments of grieving sorrow and bursting joy, between moments of profound love and moments of intense hostility, between moments of deep faith and moments of critical doubt. And I don’t think it’s because we are bi-polar. It merely speaks of our imperfect human condition, a contingent existence where so much depends on our present yet temporary condition and surrounding circumstances.  The apostles were certainly not immune from this predicament. They too vacillated between exaltation over the miracles they had witnessed and misunderstanding and doubt. 

Toward the end of St Matthew’s Gospel, and right before the passage called the Great Commission, you’ve heard that the eleven disciples saw the Risen One in Galilee, and the gospel makes this seemingly puzzling observation of seemingly contrasting, even contradictory actions: “when they saw Him they fell down before Him: but some hesitated.”  The sequence seems disjointed. Most other translations use the word “doubted,” a shocking alternative to the more ambivalent “hesitated”.  The very event that was intended to both proclaim Jesus’ resurrection and set forth Jesus’ Great Commission seems compromised by this intrusive statement about doubt among the eleven closest disciples.

Some commentators would explain this seeming contradiction by reminding us that in St Matthew’s account of the post-resurrection story, we do not have the reports of the two disciples on the Road to Emmaus as in the case of St Luke or the first hand encounter with the Risen Lord in the Gospel of John. For all purposes, in St Matthew’s Gospel, apart from the women who returned from an empty tomb, this was the first time the Risen Lord had appeared to them in person – thus the explanation for their doubts. We can’t be too sure that this was the reason for their doubting and hesitation. The laconic words of the Gospel say nothing about the nature of their doubts.  But the Apostles’ doubt makes their state closer to that feeling familiar to anyone striving to find a conscious faith grounded in understanding, and yet continue to be beset by doubts.

To add further puzzlement to the mystery, it’s interesting to note that the word “some” which appears before “hesitated” or “doubted” doesn’t appear in the Greek. It’s just not there; it’s been added in the translations. A more direct translation is “seeing him, they worshipped and doubted” or perhaps, “worshipped but doubted.”  With the addition of the word “some,” it makes the verse sounds as though there were two groups of disciples: the good ones, those who worshiped without doubt, and the not so good, those who doubted. But in the original Greek, what the text really states is that they all worshiped and they all doubted.

Which leaves us with this question, is it possible to believe and doubt at the same time? NO!!! I mean, YES!!! Absolutely not! It is, too! If two people were having this conversation, it would be tense...If this were a conversation between me, myself and I...well, that’s just scary! Yet, how often do we find ourselves in this actual predicament. My Myer-Briggs Personality test reveals that I’m a typical INTP type, and one of the most distinctive characteristics of this type of personality is self-doubt – I’m constantly busy debating with myself, doubting the correctness and the veracity of my thoughts, actions, decisions and conclusion. Examining my own experience, which I do not believe that I am peculiarly alone in this, I’ve come to realise although I can honestly say I believe in God, I have to admit that there are certainly times when I doubt; doubt that I am really speaking to God, doubt that God is actually in control of the whole situation or doubt that, given some situation I’m facing, God really loves me or knows what He’s doing.

These conflicting forces of doubt and believe best summarises the “little faith”, which is the hallmark of St Matthew’s theological understanding of the meaning of discipleship. The disciples are often confronted by Jesus himself for their “little faith,” which does not imply the absence of faith at all, but a reminder that faith by its very nature cannot be reduce to mere certainty or cocksureness. Remember, the opposite of faith is not doubt – the opposite of faith is certainty. Faith contains doubt, faith implies doubt or at least the possibility of doubt – certainty neither allows doubt nor requires faith. It’s important to note that the Greek word for “doubt” as Matthew uses it in the passage is not disbelief, but rather wavering belief – being of “two minds” – in other words, the absence of certainty. And we know this to be true from our own experience.

For most of us, faith and doubt often seem to go hand-in-hand. In a way, this puts the emphasis back on God to do the work in us. We can muster up all the belief in our heart, soul and mind, but without God’s help to do so, it will never be enough. For if faith is equal to certainty, there will never be an element of trusting God and allowing God to do what seems impossible to us or even at odds with our designs and plans. Once persons accept that they are both strong and weak, hardy and frail, capable of moments of shimmering faith and times where all seems lost, then they can relax, breathe, and trust in God’s faithfulness and providential care.

Thus the same elements of worship, doubt and a little faith inhere in the Church even after Easter as before. It is not to angels or perfect believers but the worshipping and wavering community of disciples, both saints and sinners alike, that the world mission is entrusted. It is heartening therefore that such a mission to share in the authority of Christ, to evangelise and proclaim the gospel, to enlist and make new disciples into a witnessing community, to sanctify through the sharing of sacramental life and finally to hand on faithfully the teaching of Christ, is entrusted not a rock solid faith-filled Church made up of perfectly impeccable members, but to one which is filled with those who often waver in their faith and who struggle with what little faith they possess. It is consoling and encouraging for us to know that we don’t have to be perfect, to possess rock-solid faith without a shadow of doubt, to be absolutely certain of our convictions and vocation to carry out the mission that Christ has imparted to us. Indeed, He has done this despite our many foibles!

At the end of the gospel of St Matthew, Jesus does not ascend. That seems utterly ironic especially when this is the gospel chosen for Year A of our Lectionary Cycle for this Solemnity of the Ascension. The significance of his Ascension is seen in the parting words of Jesus, “And know that I am with you always, yes, to the end of time.” His last words are a promise of his continuing presence during the Church’s mission. After the Ascension, our motley crew of worshipping and doubting disciples returned to the sanctuary of the Upper Room, led back to the place where the Church is born, to the place where these disciples will receive the Paraclete, the Holy Spirit. And it is here, in the Church that we too must pursue our mission and find our peace. The Church, despite all appearances, remains the gateway. We need a community who heals, yet we are deeply fractured by our sinfulness. We need a community to strengthen our faith, although we continue to vacillate between belief and doubt. We need a community that continues to make present through the Sacraments and the Word the promise of Christ, “I am with you always, yes, to the end of time.” And because Christ is present in and with and through this community of broken people, a community of the spiritually bi-polar, that we are healed.

Now and Future

Solemnity of the Ascension of The Lord - Year C

Christianity is often seen as a life-denying religion – a religion that is only focused on life after death and one which encourages its followers to avoid their earthly responsibilities. Christians are often accused of having their heads in the clouds, for looking upwards without having any care for what is below. On the other hand, many people live as if there is no life after death. They believe that everything must find a final resolution or closure within this life. They search to better their lives by looking for or constructing an earthly Utopia here below.

This is a far cry from the message of the Feast which we celebrate today. The ascension does not lead us to focus only on heavenly existence whilst ignoring earthly life. We need to look upwards, but we must never forgot to look down too. “Why are you standing here looking up into the sky,” the two men dressed in white, presumably angels, which you would find at the end of today’s first reading ask this of the apostles who were still gazing up into the sky long after Jesus had departed from their sight. Perhaps, they were rooted to that site in disbelief, a kind of denial that Jesus had actually departed. In any event, the angels’ caution was a reminder that their sky-gazing activities should not distract or detract them from their mission. Whilst applying themselves to their mission on earth, they should also not lose sight of the eschatological event – that Jesus will one day return. In other words, we should not only look at what is immediately before us, but also ahead of us. Within this single scene, we can come to the conclusion that Christianity brings together both ethical obligations and missionary responsibilities that are tied to our existence here on earth as well as every Christian’s hopeful expectation of the Last Things – the Parousia or Second Coming of Christ, death, judgment, heaven and hell.

In the early decades of Christianity, many Christians sincerely believed that the world was going to end with the return of Christ in their lifetime. This led to an entire spectrum, a variety of lifestyles and behaviour. Some stopped working for they thought that their days were numbered and should therefore be better spent in prayer and vigilance for the Lord’s imminent coming. This resulted in economic crises in families. There were others who felt that since the world was coming to an end, it would therefore be best to spend the remainder of our lives in purely hedonistic activities – debauchery, drinking, partying and fulfilling every particular need of the flesh. In many of Paul’s letters, we see him frantically trying to correct this misunderstanding on the part of Christians and to remind them that their new life in Christ and in the Spirit had serious moral implications. In any event, they should continue their daily business and apply themselves to the missionary responsibility and commitment to the community.

This feast, therefore, reminds us to pay attention to the way we live our present earthly lives so that this can be perfected in our heavenly life. Rather than a denial of life, earthly responsibilities and commitments, today’s feast challenges us to affirm this life and recommit ourselves to our responsibilities, especially our responsibilities to our fellow brothers and sisters. St. Paul, in today’s second reading, writes to us: “I … implore you to lead a life worthy of your vocation. Bear with one another charitably, in complete selflessness, gentleness and patience. Do all you can to preserve the unity of the Spirit by the peace that binds you together.”  Our responsibilities include the mission to evangelise. Before ascending to heaven, Jesus left his disciples and the Church this mission: “Go out to the whole world, proclaim the Good News to all creation.” It is the good news of the Kingdom of God. 

Although we are asked to proclaim the Kingdom of God through our words and actions here and now, we must not deceive ourselves by thinking that we can replicate heaven on earth. We must not confuse our present temporary existence with the eternal life promised by Christ to his believers. In the early age of Christianity, some Christians also grew impatient in waiting for Christ’s second coming. They felt weighed down by the trials and tribulations of their lives. They faced persecution from outside the church and conflict within the church. They were beginning to lose faith in God because they had lost hope in Christ returning to save them. In the face of such difficulties, we often find ourselves being blinded by our fears and anxieties, by the weight of present sufferings and trials. We are unable to see the light of God’s final act of redeeming humanity and recreating the world. Short term and seemingly achievable goals that provide temporary relief replace long term ones that promise salvation. Our vision becomes narrowed to the point of spiritual myopia.

This was the problem of the disciples in today’s first reading. When they asked Jesus whether the time had come for the restoration of the kingdom of Israel, their focus was only on building an earthly kingdom, a kingdom confined to their ethnic identity. But the event of the Ascension leads them to understand that the kingdom of God is much broader than any vision of an earthly paradise that could be achieved in this life or even in the future to come. The kingdom of God would only come to its perfection at the end of time, when God recreates the whole of the universe in Jesus Christ. This, however, does not release us from our present responsibilities but rather challenges us to constantly work for the Kingdom of God throughout our earthly lives. We will never be able to create a perfect society in our lifetime, therefore the need to always work for the betterment of society, the healing of relationships and the promotion of justice, love and peace in this world. Keeping our gaze on the bigger picture, on the Kingdom of God, allows us to rise above any setbacks, failures and disappointments. We are only able to see a small part of the picture. Our personal failure is not to be translated as ultimate failure which would be disastrous. In fact, our faith and hope informs us that our victory is already assured. The Ascension is our assurance of this.

Today, as we reflect on this feast of the Ascension, let us not look into the sky and be lost in the clouds like the disciples in today’s first reading. Rather, let us recommit ourselves to the mission which Christ has entrusted to us, here and now. But, let us also not be to too concern with our human pursuits that we lose sight of God’s kingdom and Christ coming at the end of time, for then we will only substitute the promise of heaven with a poor imitation here below.